Luna (33): "A little friend from the campsite came over to play, and she said, 'My mother is much nicer.'"

Our Dutch neighbors

Last summer we stayed with our caravan at a campsite in southern Italy. One of those wonderful places where it was scorching hot during the day and life basically took place entirely outdoors. By coincidence, there turned out to be some Dutch people next to us, which is always convenient when you have children. Within an hour the kids had found each other. We as parents didn’t have to do anything at all. My six-year-old daughter Kiki especially became friends with their five-year-old daughter Mae. From the very first day, those two were constantly going back and forth between each other’s places. All they had to do was step outside in the morning and the playing would start again. For Kiki that was of course fantastic, because a camping friend makes a holiday like that instantly even more fun.

They were inseparable from the start

Kiki and Mae were only a year apart and got along incredibly well. They played in the playground, made drawings, and invented entire fantasy worlds around our caravans. Sometimes I only saw them run past to grab a doll or a bucket. Then they would disappear together again, off to the next adventure. It was exactly what you hope for when you’re at a campsite with children. We hardly had to organize anything. Kiki was having a wonderful time. Sometimes they were busy for hours without us having to step in even once. I loved seeing how easily children make new friends on holiday.

Playing back and forth

Mae would regularly be at our caravan already in the morning. “Can Kiki come out to play?” she would ask. And just as easily, Kiki would walk over to their spot to ask if Mae was there. We were all fine with that and of course kept an eye on things. The children mostly moved between our two spots and the nearby playground. Sometimes they’d have an ice cream with us, and a little later they’d get something to drink at the neighbors’. It all felt very relaxed. There was never any fuss about who played where. One day they’d spend more time with us, and the next day more with Mae.

I also work while traveling

We travel a lot and I just keep working in the meantime. I’m a digital nomad, so my laptop goes everywhere with me. Even at a campsite in southern Italy there are still emails that need to be answered and things that need to be finished. Usually I plan that around the kids, but of course that doesn’t always work out. Sometimes I simply have to sit behind my computer for an hour while Kiki is playing. She understands that very well by now. We never have any issues with that at home. I usually tell her beforehand that mommy has to work for a while.

That afternoon I really had to finish something

One afternoon, Kiki and Mae were playing in front of our caravan. I had put my laptop on the table because I still had some computer work to do. In the meantime, the girls were playing with great enthusiasm and their voices were getting louder and louder. At a certain point, talking turned into shouting and shouting turned into really screaming at the top of their lungs. I could barely hear myself think. At first I let it go for a bit. But after the umpteenth scream I really had to say something. They were those high-pitched children’s shrieks that almost make your ears ring. On top of that, of course, there were other campers around us who didn’t necessarily need to share in the experience.

"Girls, don’t scream like that"

I looked over my laptop and said, "Girls, you’re very welcome to play here and have fun, but please don’t scream like that, okay? I need to get some work done." That was really all. I wasn’t angry and I didn’t send anyone away. I actually thought it was a perfectly normal request. Besides, we were at a campsite with lots of other people sitting around us. Kiki looked at me and nodded right away. "Okay, Mom," she said. Then she just went back to what she was doing.

Kiki knows how it works

That’s also something I think Kiki is really good at. If I speak to her about something in a normal way, she usually just listens. Of course, she’s six and she does try things out sometimes, but she knows that no can simply mean no. In that respect, I really think she’s been brought up well. I don’t have to say the same thing five times before she understands what I mean. So she just went back to playing, only more quietly. For me, that basically settled the whole issue. I also really don’t expect children to play in complete silence. But there’s quite a difference between playing nicely and screaming across the whole campsite for minutes on end.

Mae suddenly looked at me in a completely different way

Only Mae reacted completely differently. She stopped playing and looked at me as if I’d said something terrible. At first I thought maybe she didn’t really understand what I meant. Then she pulled an angry face and suddenly said, “My mother is much nicer!” For a few seconds I honestly had no idea what to say. The way she said it was so sharp. Not like a joke, but really like a reproach. Of all the possible reactions, this was the one I truly hadn’t seen coming.

She wanted to go home right away

Before I could really respond, Mae stood up. She said she wanted to go to her mother and started gathering her things. Kiki looked at her in surprise and asked if she didn’t want to keep playing. But Mae was clearly done with me and with our caravan. She walked straight back to her own spot. I watched her go and could only think: what on earth just happened? The only thing I had asked was if she could stop screaming. Kiki then looked at me too, as if she didn’t understand any of it.

It stuck in my mind

I tried to get back to work afterwards, but my concentration was completely gone. I mainly wondered what Mae had told them at home. Had she said that I’d gotten angry with her? Had she told them she wasn’t allowed to play at our place? I really had no idea. And because our neighbors were literally right next to us, I knew I would inevitably run into her mother again sooner or later. It made me feel uncomfortable. Every time I heard movement from the caravan next to us, I automatically looked up.

That evening we saw each other again

At the end of the afternoon I closed my laptop and we started dinner. Not much later I saw Mae’s mother fiddling around by their caravan. Normally we’d automatically have a little chat, but this time I caught myself watching how she reacted. She looked over at me and just greeted me kindly. Of course I greeted her back. I couldn’t tell from her face at all whether Mae had told her anything. I even found myself paying attention to her tone of voice.

I just didn’t bring it up myself

Part of me wanted to immediately ask, "Did Mae say anything else?" But at the same time, I felt that would be overreacting. After all, this was about a five-year-old girl who had been angry at one point. So I kept my mouth shut. Mae’s mother even asked what we were going to eat that evening. I just answered, and within a few minutes we were talking about Italian supermarkets and ridiculously expensive little campsite shops. There was really nothing in her behavior to suggest anything. Still, throughout the conversation I kept thinking: do you know something, or do you know absolutely nothing?

Kiki wanted to play with Mae again

The next morning, Kiki had apparently completely forgotten the whole incident. During breakfast she already asked if she could go over to Mae’s. I automatically glanced toward the neighbors and hesitated for a moment. Not because I was angry with Mae, but because I didn’t feel like dealing with any awkward situations. “Go ahead and ask,” I said eventually. Not even five minutes later they came back together as if nothing at all had happened. Kiki had even slung her arm around Mae’s shoulder. Apparently their friendship was already fully restored before I’d finished my first coffee.

Mae acted completely normal

I was really curious how Mae would act towards me. She walked into our spot, cheerfully said “hi” and asked if they could play with the sidewalk chalk. No angry face and no strange remarks. I secretly had to laugh a little about that. Apparently, children can switch gears incredibly fast. While I’d still been thinking about it the night before, she seemed to have completely forgotten. Five minutes later she even asked if she could have a cup of lemonade. All I could think was: okay, apparently we’re friends again.

I suddenly became more cautious

Still, I noticed that I was reacting differently. Every time the girls got a bit more boisterous, I thought twice before saying anything. I actually found that pretty annoying about myself. Normally I’m not at all afraid to call out a child who’s playing at our house. When you’re with us, certain rules just apply. But now I kept hearing that one little sentence somewhere in the back of my mind. I caught myself letting some things slide, whereas normally I would have told them without a second thought that they had to stop doing something.

Then it started again

Later that afternoon the girls got into a fight over an inflatable flamingo that belonged to Kiki. Mae wanted to take it to the pool and Kiki didn’t. Within a few seconds they were standing opposite each other, grumbling. "It’s mine," said Kiki. Mae felt she should be allowed to borrow it for a bit. I decided not to get involved at all at first. Let them work it out together, I thought. From my chair I watched their bickering grow more and more intense. Neither of them seemed willing to give in even an inch.

But Kiki started to cry

So that didn’t work. Mae pulled on the flamingo and Kiki pulled back, and then Kiki started to cry. That’s when I did get up, of course. I took hold of the flamingo and calmly said that it belonged to Kiki and that she therefore got to decide whether someone could play with it. Mae let go, but I saw her face change immediately. I honestly thought: here we go again. I was already bracing myself for the next comparison with her mother. In my head I could almost hear her saying again that her mother would allow this.

This time she said nothing

To my surprise, it stayed quiet. Mae stared angrily at the ground and then went to sit on a little chair. A few minutes later, she and Kiki were already drawing together again. I truly didn’t understand those children at all. One moment it seems like an entire friendship is falling apart, and five minutes later they’re asking for an ice cream together. I decided not to interfere too much. Kiki even drew a little heart with both their names in it. Mae thought it was wonderful and then hung it on the outside of our caravan.

Then her mother told her something remarkable

A few days later I was sitting with Mae’s mother at the little campsite bar. The children were in the playground with a group and we were having a drink. Suddenly she said with a laugh, “Mae has quite a strong will of her own, doesn’t she?” I looked at her and started laughing too. She told me that at home Mae regularly shouted that other mothers were much nicer whenever she wasn’t allowed to do something. Apparently her own mother was hearing the exact opposite version. I looked at her in surprise and asked if she was serious. “All the time,” she said, rolling her eyes.

I had to pull myself together

"Seriously?" I asked. Her mother nodded. If Mae didn’t get a treat, then a friend’s mother was nicer. If she had to go to bed, she suddenly wanted to live with Grandma. And if she had to tidy up her toys, then according to Mae literally every other child had better parents. All at once, that remark at our campsite took on a completely different meaning. Apparently Mae regularly rearranged her ranking of favorite adults.

She had indeed said something about it at home

Then her mother told me that Mae had indeed come home angry that particular afternoon. According to Mae, she had been “told off very harshly” at our place. I almost choked on my drink. Fortunately, her mother had immediately asked what exactly I had said. In the end, the whole story came out and she told Mae that when she was at other people’s homes, she simply had to follow their rules. Mae had, of course, totally disagreed with that. According to her mother, she had then sat sulking in front of the caravan for at least another ten minutes. After that, she had asked if she could have an ice cream, and apparently the whole issue was already forgotten.

There we were then

We had quite a laugh about it together. In the meantime, Kiki and Mae came running back from the playground hand in hand. They wanted money for an ice cream and clearly weren’t bothered by anything anymore. Mae even came to stand next to me and very sweetly asked if I would open her bag of chips. I did, and got a beaming “thank you” in return. And half an hour later the two girls were sitting together in front of our caravan again as if nothing had ever happened.

LUNA