Cristel (33): "I carried my baby in a sling, and was completely criticized by the mommy mafia"

Last week I went to the market with Aiden for a bit

He is 8 months old. I had him in the baby carrier with me, his warm little body close against my chest. I love that. So does he. He looked around contentedly. I felt proud and calm. I took a selfie of us and shared it that evening on social media (which media is not important right now). It wasn't a special photo. Just a cheerful moment: Aiden in the baby carrier, me with a cappuccino-to-go in hand. I wrote: "Just a trip to the market together, he loves being close to mommy so much." Within a few hours, I had dozens of responses. But they were not the sweet comments I was expecting.

There were comments

“Do you realize how bad that is for his hips?”
“That child can't breathe wrapped up like that.”
“What possessed you to post that online?”

It quickly went from well-intentioned advice to pure condemnation. They were all strangers to me. And there I was with my phone in my hand, looking at words that hit me in places I didn't even know were vulnerable. I felt terrible. And at first, I wanted to delete the photo...

How the mommy mafia breaks you, piece by piece

I thought: I'll let it go. Everyone has an opinion. But in the days that followed, the reactions kept coming in. Hundreds. Women, mothers no less, telling me I was putting my child in danger. So exaggerated. Some used words like 'irresponsible' and 'selfish'. I felt as if I was being publicly tried. I read every message. First out of curiosity, then out of habit, and afterwards because I couldn't stop myself. There were even screenshots included of my picture in Facebook groups, where strangers debated about my baby sling. My baby sling! Wtf...

As if I had made a political statement, instead of just carrying my child close to me

A woman even wrote:

“Some mothers are so preoccupied with themselves that they use their babies as accessories.”

I read that sentence three times. And then I felt something snap. Because I know how much love is involved in that carrying. The hours I walk with Aiden when he's restless. The nights when he only falls asleep to the sound of my heartbeat. I never thought something that felt so natural could provoke so much anger in others.

The first friends who saw it

That afternoon, I received a message from my friend Noor: "Cris, you're in a mom group. They've shared your photo." I thought she was exaggerating, but a moment later she sent a screenshot. My photo, my face, my baby, in a group with thousands of members. The comments below were harsh. "What a dangerous mother.” “Baby wraps are fashion, not motherly love." I felt the blood drain from my face. Shortly after, my friend Dana also called: "I saw it too, it's really mean. But Cris, maybe you should take down the photo?" I heard my own voice shaking: "Yes, but then I don't win, do I? Then I'm just proving them right." I didn't want to give those people that satisfaction. She was silent for a moment. "Maybe gaining peace is also important." I knew she was right.

The decision to stop

That evening I deleted everything. The photo, the post, even older images of Rose (his big sister). I felt empty and completely deflated. As if I had done something wrong. My husband said, "Let them talk, darling. You know what's best for our children." And he's right, but it affected me more than I wanted to admit. I decided: I won't share anything anymore. No photos, no videos, no little moments of the kids online. I had built up quite a following. It didn't matter to me anymore. Somewhere it felt unfair, mean, I share out of love, but receive venom in return.

I got a bit delusional

Now all the commentary was about me. Thankfully. I was so afraid that someone would ever say something about Rose, about her smile, her clothes, her existence. Or Aiden. While the children are still so small and innocent. It felt like poison. Something that was hanging over our heads. I didn't want anyone, whoever it might be, to judge my children. I chose peace. No more collaborations. No more scrolling on the phone. No buying filters. Nice. I'm no longer concerned with what others think of me. Everything in my life is free from the opinions of others.

I wanted to write this blog anyway

Not to ask for pity, but to say something I understood too late: you don't have to share everything to be seen. Some moments are more beautiful when they remain yours. Yours alone. And your family's. The scent of your baby, the look on your child's face when they dare something for the first time, it doesn't need likes to be valuable. I am still here, I am a mother, but I am no longer measurable online. I am just Cristel again, not the mother in the photo. I still carry Aiden every day. In the same baby carrier.

To every mother who doubts whether she should post something

"Share what you want to share, but don't let yourself be broken by what others think of it. There's always someone who has something to say, and that often says more about them than about you." I have learned that love cannot be measured by opinions or comments. Sometimes love is just quiet, warm, and close to you, in a baby carrier.

I am not against social media

I am against how tough we have sometimes become. Against the idea that there is only one right way to be a mother. I have learned that you don't have to shout louder to be heard. Let the world talk. Or take everything offline. Either way, you are a good mother!