Cintha: “For these reasons, we are sticking to just one child”

My husband Jesper was still in bed

He had had a long day at the construction site and had turned over for a few extra minutes of sleep. Alice, our daughter Alice (almost 1 year old), was sleeping peacefully in her crib on the other side of the room. There was fatigue in my body. Jesper worked hard as a contractor and his days were often filled with heavy labor and long hours. So I let him lie.

Our decision to have just one child was well-considered

Before the pregnancy, Jesper and I had many discussions about our future plan. 'What do we want, but what can we also afford economically and practically,' were serious questions. We ultimately decided that one child would be best for our family, and although it was difficult to accept at first, it now seemed like a definitive decision.

We lived in a house that we had renovated with great difficulty

We had set up the house so that it was suitable for a family of three, but if we were to have a second child, we would need to make all sorts of adjustments. The extra space we would need would require major renovations – something we could hardly afford. Then we would have to borrow. Although Jesper had a good income, there were regular unexpected expenses. Some people say to us: “There's always room for one more at the table”. That annoys me, because it's just not true. A child costs a fortune until they are grown up. Children need clothes and shoes. Maybe a musical instrument. Perhaps they want to play a sport.

Childcare will also be a heavy burden later on

We had already saved a lot for Alice's future, but having a second child would seriously test our financial planning. We wanted to give Alice the best start we could, and that seemed more achievable with just one child. It was heartbreaking to see how some families in my community struggled to make ends meet, while their children clearly noticed it. The children bore the burden of their parents' financial troubles.

I feel social pressure to have more children

Especially now that Alice is almost 1 year old. In my community, it's the norm to have multiple children. I often hear people talk about how siblings played an important role in a child's development. I think that's nonsense. Alice can develop just fine with friends and family.

Yet I wanted to discuss the family plan once more with Jesper

“I know we have all thought it through well, but I want to make sure we don't regret our choice. Alice is here now, and I feel so much love for her,” I said as I folded my hands in my lap. Jesper thought we had to remain realistic about what we could handle. In terms of capacity. Literally. We discussed the issues that expanding our family would entail, from finding extra space in our home to adjusting our budget. We considered whether we could move to a larger house, but realized that it was not financially feasible. The idea of undergoing another home renovation, after having invested so much time and energy into our current home, felt like a huge burden. Neither of us really wanted to carry that.

The decision to have just one child was also reinforced by the importance we placed on the quality of the upbringing we could provide to Alice

We wanted to give her our full attention and resources, and the idea of splitting this focus with a second child made us anxious. The thought that we might not be able to give her the best start in life if we divided our resources and energy was a significant consideration for us. I now feel confident about our choice to stick with one child. The practical and financial considerations are quite important, and I think we have made the right decision. The decision to stay with one child gives us a sense of peace and acceptance.

CINTHA