‘The police have found a baby, would you like to temporarily adopt her!?’
On Tuesday morning we officially opened up for one or more foster children, so the phone could ring at any moment
Around me, I hear that on average it certainly takes a few months before there is an actual call with the proposal for a placement, but I like to have everything in order and so I set out today. Early this morning our foster son was picked up by the minibus and after a cup of coffee alone, I cycled towards the village.
Diapers in various sizes, toothbrushes and toddler toothpaste, pajamas in various sizes, a new lice comb, and lots of children's snacks
I've gone into buying mode. Around me, I hear people chatting pleasantly about the everyday things in life, if only they knew what I am up to. I'm silently preparing for someone's darkest day…
The cashier tells me about her own little boy and her experience with the pajamas I'm about to pay for when the phone rings: Foster care. Could it be? “I'll be right back,” I say to the lady behind the counter and step outside to answer the call. Somewhere I expect a simple question like 'what age range do you have space for again?' Or 'is it true that you are open again?' But the moment has arrived.
“The police found a baby last night,” Samantha tells me after a brief greeting
My heart beats noticeably faster, a baby found... From that moment on, everything moves at a rapid pace. Samantha tells me what she knows at this time and it's heartbreakingly little, even the name of the girl is not certain. Little is known about her parents and the little that is known predicts a tumultuous placement. A young baby, they estimate four weeks old. Then she asks me the question: “Do you have space and time to take in this girl?”
I call my husband, but in my heart, I have already said yes a long time ago
The blood in my veins is pumping in sixth gear and I'm struggling to keep my breathing under control. Afterwards, my husband told me that he could tell from my 'Hello' that foster care had called. It's funny how well you know each other. We talk briefly, exchange the facts, and decide that of course we have room. A minor problem is the shortage of guardians; there's no one available to bring this little baby to our home, nor can we pick her up, about a hundred kilometers away from our own house. While my husband updates his boss and arranges to take the rest of the week off, I call Samantha back with the good news and get the address where we need to pick up the baby. Preferably before one o'clock, because they don't have time to keep the baby any longer. We do our best. By now, I've learned not to let myself be pressured. We do what we can. Back in the store, the cashier is incredibly curious, but I don't reveal anything. I pay and wish her a pleasant day. 'What a terrible day this girl's mother must be having,' I think to myself at the same time.
When I get home, I assemble a crib in our bedroom
I'm getting two hot water bottles from the lady across the street, sterilizing bottles, and checking what I have in baby girl clothes. A four-week-old girl is about size 56, right? I quickly take out dinner from the freezer so it can start thawing, and I make sure to contact our foster son's school and tell him the news myself that when he comes back from school this afternoon, there will be a baby at our home. He thinks it's fantastic and is unaware of the tragedy that preceded this, and I leave it that way. It's good that this girl is going to be received with love and enthusiasm this afternoon. When my husband comes home, I barely give him time to pee. 'Come on, we have to go!' In the car, I cry from the tension, the unexpectedness of this moment, and the misery that is suddenly so close. Why does the police find a baby and why is even her name not really clear? How can this happen in the Netherlands?!! We talk about her parents, the Dutch healthcare system, and wonder if midwives don't have some kind of reporting obligation? The closer we get to our destination, the quieter it becomes. We just don't know what to say anymore. We are both tense and at the same time, we are looking forward to it. We are going to pick up a little baby girl whom we will take care of.
With my coat still on, I get a very small girl placed into my arms
I am overwhelmed by all the emotions coursing through me, my throat is tight and I can't manage to chat politely. My heart is exploding with acute love and breaking at the same time, this girl is way too small and is rigid with tension. Her little fists are clenched tight and her body is tense. I fight back tears as my husband listens to the little bits of information this lady can provide us. Within ten minutes, we are outside again with this girl in a Maxi-Cosi and nothing else. No familiar food, her own blanket, cuddly toy, or diaper bag. Nothing. This girl has absolutely nothing, even her name is uncertain... We put her in the car and set off on our way home. Up until this moment, we haven't told our families anything about this new placement. Through the app, I send a picture of this little girl with the message that she will be living with us temporarily. For now, no appointments, just as much peace as possible in our house, peace for this girl and our family. What will the future bring us? How long will we be able to care for this girl? What will her future be?
Welcome to the heart-wrenching world of foster care…
FOSTER PARENTS
